In a new, ongoing feature (*gulp*) I will be delving into the much-dreaded world of Twilight. That is to say, Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer, a work that is dreaded by serious writers the world over. I fear what terrible horrors, what mutilations of the English language, what unbelievably poor excuses for story construction await me.
In all seriousness, as an aspiring writer myself, I think it’s time that, for better or (more likely) worse I see what all the damn fuss is about. What follows is my thoughts, my color commentary if you will, on the book as I go along. Both good and bad, both horrified and pleasantly surprised, both hilariously bad and actually entertaining will be commented upon.
In all seriousness I will try to be objective, but I have to be honest: I’m going into this fully expecting to despise this book with every fiber of my being. So, Stephanie Meyer, give me your best shot. I’m all yours.
One thought pops into my mind: Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?
Reading the first nine sentences of a novel should not be a chore. To be fair, maybe to someone who had never read a book before this would seem dramatic and clever. Unfortunately for my own sanity, I know better.
Call me crazy, but the dry, utilitarian prose doesn’t do much for the laughably pretentious concept. It may be a short nine sentences long, but it just packs oh, so much bad into that small number of words.
And I’m sorry, but killers don’t saunter. That’s just dumb. A killer that saunters, looks pleasantly at you, and smiles “in a friendly way” does not exactly paint a terrific picture of suspense. Maybe it was Stephanie Meyer’s cute little way of going for contrast – you know, the classic dramatic situation with lighthearted elements thing – but she obviously wasn’t trying all that hard. Meyer tried for creepily happy killer, what she got was the partially drunk girl at the bar that’s trying way too hard to get your attention.
Suddenly I realize just how daunting of a task I have laid out for myself.
Stay tuned, dear readers, and wish me luck.